Nightblood's Birthright
by MySoapBox
Summary: Heda is on his deathbed and the Conclave is looming. A single tear ran down Lexa's cheek. She brushed it away angrily. "I don't think I can do it," she confessed. "You can," Luna encouraged. "Don't worry, you will be the greatest Heda the clans have ever seen." "No, not that," Lexa said. The twig she was holding snapped in her fingers. "I don't think I can kill you" OneShot
A Natblida's Birthright

by MySoapBox

a/n Written after 3x09, my take on what might have passed between Lexa and Luna to make Luna go into hiding before Lexa's Conclave. I do not own The 100.

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Lexa turned from her side to her back and stared up into the darkness. She'd been laying there for hours and still she couldn't find sleep. Across the room she heard the rustle of blanket. Perhaps she wasn't the only one. It wasn't surprising; in fact, Lexa wondered how any Nightblood could sleep, when Heda was on his deathbed.

The Nightbloods had seen the caravan that had brought Heda home, of course they had; all of Polis had turned out to greet the warrior's return. Whispers spread like wild fire: Heda did not lead the procession; a figure that looked like Heda was seen laying in a wagon, an arrow in his chest. That was three days ago. The best healers had been assembled. The Flamekeeper stood vigil day and night. Everything had been done. Heda had not awakened.

They were surprised when Titus had appeared at their evening meal. Not that it was unusual for Titus to visit them, on the contrary, Titus was often there, teaching, overseeing their training, but everyone knew that he was serving Heda, so his appearance could have only two meanings, and by the way Titus crossed his arms across his chest, and by the way he held his lips in a tight line, Lexa guessed right away what his news would be.

"Prepare yourselves," he had said to them, his eyes moving earnestly from face to face, "the Conclave is at hand and the Spirit of the Commander will choose one of you." His eyes rested on Lexa and she thought she saw his chin rise just a bit as he held her gaze. "Be ready."

Lexa shifted again. Her pallet, her bed for over eight years, suddenly felt hard and unyielding; it creaked, and she heard her friend next to her, snort and roll over in her sleep. Feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the weight of her thoughts, Lexa pushed back her blankets, and calling on all her skills of stealth, she escaped the room and melted into the night.

Without planning it, she found herself at her favorite spot, an outcropping of mossy rocks by the well that overlooked the city. From here she could see that the flame on the top of the tower was still burning; Heda was not dead yet. That was a small comfort, at least. Maybe she had another day, maybe two.

She recognized the footsteps, light and deliberate, so she didn't bother hiding.

"Couldn't sleep either?" the approaching girl asked.

Lexa turned then to see her friend Luna, her dark skin shining in the moonlight. Luna had arrived at the Citidel two years after Lexa and they had been training together ever since. Lexa was immediately drawn to her quiet nature and the deliberate way she chose her words, and while Luna had never been the best fighter among them, she also never gave up, a quality which Lexa admired.

"How can any of us sleep? The Conclave is coming," Lexa explained.

"I know," Luna said.

"How can you be so calm?"

Luna sighed and navigated the rocks to next to Lexa. "I've been preparing for this day all my life."

Lexa plucked a nearby twig and twirled it in her hand. "We all have, that's what makes me so nervous."

"No, Lexa, you don't understand. I accepted long ago that the Spirit of the Commander wouldn't choose me."

"Don't say that. You don't know that."

"I do know that. I've known for a long time."

"The spirit could choose any of us, including you."

"Yes, I suppose, in theory. But I've known since we were ten years old. Remember that day? The day you twisted the knife out of Jocan's hand, and broke his wrist?"

"How could I forget, he still hates me."

"That day, I saw something in your eye, a glimmer of something. You're not just fast, you're smart. Smart enough to master a new move and beet Jocan who was twice your size."

"He's beaten me plenty of times since then."

"Yes, and you've beaten him. You're the only one, you know, out of all of us. You're the only one that can beat him."

Jocan was a few years older than Luna and Lexa. What he lacked in intelligence he made up for in brute force. While he was slow with a blade, he only need hit you once. Lexa had received many a bruise at the end of his training staff.

"Don't say that Luna. When the Conclave comes, who knows what will happen. Whoever the Spirit of the Commanders chooses will prevail. It could be any of us."

Luna shook her head. "It will be you."

Lexa turned and looked back out toward the city. She and she didn't want her friend to see the pain and fear in her eyes. In the next few days either Lexa would kill all her friends and become the next Heda, or she would die.

A single tear ran down her cheek. She brushed it away angrily. "I don't think I can do it," she confessed.

"You can," Luna encouraged, leaning towards Lexa and bumping her shoulder. "Don't worry, you will be the greatest Heda that the clans have ever seen."

"No, not that," Lexa said. The twig she was holding snapped in her fingers. "I don't think I can win the Conclave."

"Of course you will. We all know it. You're the best fighter of all of us."

Lexa thought on the years and years and hours and hours of training she had done at the Citidel. She was often up earlier than the others perfecting stances and guards and when evening came, she would still be there; sweat dripping, while the others had gone. "But that was just academic, just sparing. This, this would be…" The words caught in Lexa's throat.

Lexa felt the pressure of Luna's hand on her knee. She took no comfort in it.

"Hey, it's okay. We all know what it means to be Natblida. It's part of the deal."

"How can you be so calm about this? After the Conclave, all but one of us will be dead."

"You've sat in Titus's lectures all these years, just as I have. You know that we all give our lives to build up and strengthen the next Heda, so that she… " Luna looked pointedly at Lexa when she said the pronoun, "will be best prepared to lead our people. I'd like to think you've learned a thing or two from me over the years."

Lexa moved her hand on top of Luna's. "You are the one I've always gone to for council, Luna. With every worry, with every problem. Why must the Nightbloods kill each other? Why can't the Heda choose a councilor, an advisor?"

"You know why, Lexa. It has always been this way."

Lexa breathed heavily and rolled her eyes and recited in a low voice as if she had heard Titus say it a thousand times. "Only a single nightblood must remain to become commander, so that there will be no future challenge to his authority."

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Lexa," Luna scolded. "This is the way we keep the peace."

"I know. I understand. It doesn't make it easier."

"I know." Luna turns her hand and interlaces her fingers with Lexa's. They sat there a long time. Watching the few flickering lights down in the city. "You have to make your peace with it. I have."

"What does that mean? I don't ever see a time when I make peace with killing..." she hesitated, not brave enough to say what she was thinking, and deciding on "...my friends. It's not like this is vengeance or justice, this is politics, and I think I'd rather die than become a person that thinks this is okay."

"Don't say that. You have to ascend, Lexa. If you don't, then Jocan surely will, and what kind of Heda will he make? What kind of future will the clans have under someone like Jocan?"

Luna squeezed Lexa's hand and gave it a tug to get Lexa's attention. Lexa turned and looked at her. "When you are Heda you can make a real difference, Lexa. All those dreams and ideas of yours, you'll have the power to make them happen. Isn't that worth the sacrifice?"

"Isn't that worth your sacrifice, you mean? My dreams for your life?"

"Yes. I will die, and gladly, to see you to become Heda. You will do great things Lexa. I know you will."

Lexa dropped Luna's hand and turned back towards the city. "It's like you've given up."

"I haven't given up." Luna folded her arms against her chest. "I'm just being realistic."

"Just like I'm being realistic when I say I can't kill you."

Lexa turned to look at Luna now, she saw her black wavy hair dancing in the evening breeze, her brown eyes, looking black in the darkness. They were usually so readable; Lexa wished she could read them now.

"Where's this coming from, Lexa? Why are you out here worrying about this now? It isn't like we haven't know about this our whole lives."

"I just thought we had more time." Lexa's words came out wistful.

"More time for training?"

Lexa shook her head. "No, just more time to be… I don't know… to be kids, to be us, to be here. More time to be together."

"We're 16; that's two years older than Heda was when he ascended."

"I know but… We're friends right? You're my best friend. And.." and Lexa, frustrated that she couldn't find the words, leaned over and kissed Luna on the cheek. She hovered there a moment, and then pulled away, afraid to look the other girl in the eye, she turned once more to gaze out over the city.

A moment passed. A long, painful moment, and then Luna said, "Lex… I… I didn't know."

"I know."

"I… I don't…"

"It's fine, Luna. You don't have to say anything. I just needed you to understand."

Luna sucked in the night air and let it out in one long breath.

"I see… but it doesn't change anything."

Luna reached and took Lexa's hand again. They sat a long time in silence, and though Lexa felt her heart breaking, she was glad to have the warmth of her friend's hand in hers. She couldn't bear the idea of losing that.

"I could let you win," Lexa finally said.

Luna shook her head. "Even if I did beat you, I'd never beat Jocan, you know that. Honestly, I couldn't beat half the Natblidas." Luna let out a self-deprecating laugh.

Lexa continued to reason it out. "But what if I could somehow fight you last. I could fight the others and then fight you."

"Lexa! Stop! I could never… " Lexa felt Luna's hand tremble slightly in her own. Luna took a deep breath and continued, "I would never do that. Okay."

Lexa dropped Luna's hand and stood from the rock to face her friend full on. "Exactly! This is exactly what I've been saying. The only reason you're okay with all this is that you have already decided you are going to lose. You don't have to face killing any of your friends, you only have to face dying. In your mind your fight is already over."

"And you think knowing that I will be killed is easier than killing?"

"Yes! Yes, I do."

Luna snorted and looked away. Lexa followed her eyes to the flame on Polis tower. Always the flame burning, telling them they had more time.

Lexa's mind was turning now all strategies and possibilities. She raised her eyebrows and spoke more quietly. "I could make you do it."

The change in mood caught Luna by surprise. "What?"

Lexa continued, her voice low. "I could make you Heda. In our battle. A slip of the knife. I could make it look like you did it. Like you won. You'd be Heda, and neither of us would have to live with killing the other."

"You wouldn't!"

Lexa cupped her hands behind her back and straightened her posture. "Wouldn't I?"

"Lexa!" It was said in warning.

Lexa went on to explain. "You'd be a better Heda than me, Luna. You're smart, and wise, and patient. You'd be good for our people."

"You're all those things too," Luna protested, "and a better fighter, better at battle, better at strategy."

"No. I have a temper. I can be selfish. I haven't mastered my feelings. Those qualities in a Heda could start wars, could hurt people."

"I don't believe that."

Lexa met her eyes in earnest. "You've seen those parts of me."

Luna reached out, and touched Lexa's cheek. "I see you. And the Lexa I know is going to change the world."

Lexa pulled away from her touch and started pacing in front of her.

"If you won't let me die to make you Heda, and I refuse to kill you, then there's only one other way to keep Jocan from ascending."

Luna shook her head. "There's no other way."

Lexa's tried to make it a command but the word came out pleading. "Run."

"What?"

"You could run, Luna. Run far from here." She was begging now, she knew, but Lexa felt too desperate to be ashamed.

"What are you talking about?" Luna asked.

"You said your dad was born by the east sea, right?"

Luna furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Lexa, I don't know what that…"

"He must still have family there, people outside the coalition, people who will take you in."

"Probably, but…"

Lexa grabbed both of Luna's hands up in her own. "Then go. Go tonight. Go now, before the Conclave even begins."

"I can't believe you'd ask me to do that. I'd never turn my back on the Natblidas."

"It's the only way."

"Lexa, this is who I am." Luna squeezed her hands. "To be an initiate is my birthright."

"But you said that you know you won't win."

"It doesn't matter. It's my duty to try."

Lexa dropped Luna's hands. "To try, and fail?"

In response Luna stood from the rock to face her. She was slightly shorter but held up her chin as she met Lexa's eyes. "It's my right as a Nightblood to be judged by the Spirit of the Commanders. I won't turn my back on that. It would be dishonor."

"And you place your honor above me, above our friendship."

Luna hesitated but then stood a little straighter. "Yes."

" Above my heart?" It came out as a whisper.

Luna answered in a quieter tone. "A Heda must act with her head, not her heart. Successfully completing the Conclave is in the best interest of your people."

Lexa scoffed. "Now you sound like Titus."

"And that's a bad thing?"

Lexa ran her hand through her hair, clutching at the roots. "There is more to life than honor Luna. I can't be Heda knowing that your blood is on my hands."

Luna reached out and touched Lexa's shoulder. "It is our way."

Lexa grunted in frustration. "And you truly believe that I am meant to ascend?"

Luna smiled. "With all my heart."

Lexa narrowed her eyes. "And you say that I will be a good Heda, good for the clans, good for her people?"

"Yes, Lexa. I believe all those things."

"And you believe that a Heda should be obeyed in her commands?"

Luna answered a little less confidently, "Yes, Lexa. The Heda must be obeyed."

Lexa stood straight, clasped her hands behind her back, and cleared all emotion from her face."Then listen well Luna Natblida, your future Heda commands you." Her voice came out strong and confident.

Luna held up a hand in protest. "Now Lexa, you can't…"

"Can't I?" Lexa snapped, anger in her voice. "If I am truly to be Heda, then let it begin now. I know what is best for my people, and what is best for me, and I know, Luna, that I cannot raise my sword against you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying this. Luna, I command you, as future Heda, to leave this place and not take part in the Conclave."

"Lexa, I won't…"

But Lexa continued, "I call upon your loyalty. Your loyalty to the clans, and to me. Your people require your sacrifice."

"Lexa, that's not fair."

Lexa's eyes grew cold. "As Heda, I must do what I think is best and it isn't your place to question me."

Luna did not take her eyes from Lexa's, her jaw clenched. "Do you care so little for me that you're first act as Heda is to order me to disgrace? I would rather die! You're not Heda yet, Lexa," she growled, and then she turned and stormed off into the night.

As soon as Luna was gone Lexa let the tears fall.

It was two more nights and a day before the flame on the Polis tower went out and the Conclave was called. Luna and Lexa had not spoken since that night by the rocks. Luna had gone as far as moving her pallet across the room so that they no longer slept side by side as they had all these years. It was better this way, Lexa thought; better to distance herself from her – from all of them. It would make it easier. Still, she knew in her heart it was a lie. Lexa was weak. She would not ascend because she could not. Love is weakness.

The Conclave was in the morning and Lexa once again lay awake staring at the patterns of grey on the ceiling. She tried to put it all out of her head; tried not to see their faces as she visualized the sword skills she had mastered, going over and over them in her mind. It wasn't personal, it was politics. It wasn't murder, it was necessary for peace. In the midst of these mantras she heard the soft shuffle of footsteps from across the room, and then felt someone kneel beside her. It was Luna.

"Are you awake?" she whispered.

"Sha."

"I just wanted to say that I want you to do your best tomorrow, and don't hold back. You have to be Heda. You just have to."

Lexa couldn't find the words so she just whispered, "I'm sorry." Hoping those two simple worlds would express all the pain she was feeling.

"Lexa," Luna brushed Lexa's hair away from her face. "I forgive you." Luna then bent down and Lexa felt a soft kiss to the corner of her lips. It lingered, and then Luna pulled away and was gone.

In the morning Lexa did not see Luna at breakfast, and when it was time for purification, Luna did not appear. Titus sent out a search party. It was nerves, the other Natblidas said, Luna would be along soon, a Natblida had never missed a Conclave, but as the hours passed, hope started to blossom in Lexa's heart.

When the sun set and Luna still was not found, Lexa knew two things. She knew that she would not have to kill her best friend that day, and as she faced Jocan, and drew her sword for the final time, Lexa knew that she would be Heda.


End file.
